A Nice Walk on the Beach, a Hot Shower, and a Nice Meal

If there is anything you should have understood from my previous posts it’s this: Being in Peace Corps is really hard. I was discussing it with a fellow volunteer and we both agreed that in a lot of ways Peace Corps forces you to grow up really quickly. I graduated college in March of last year, and by the beginning of June I left for Kosovo (Side note IT'S ALMOST BEEN A YEAR). For many the transition into the working world isn’t necessarily smooth, but it is padded with the ability to do it in the country they grow up in. My transition into the working world has been different and I had to do it in a whole new culture. Regardless, I had to grow up quickly. I had to mature into a quasi-responsible adult in just a few weeks. Needless to say it has been tiring, albeit rewarding. I am not saying I am not appreciating my experience, but at the end of the day Peace Corps Service really stretches you in ways you didn’t know your body bent.

Unbeknownst to me, my mental health took serious hits because of the exhaustion. The months of January through March were difficult because I felt like I didn’t have a place to take a break and relax. The only thing that kept me going was the knowledge that I was going to travel to London to see Rachael at the end of March. While I was there I got to enjoy foods I don’t usually get in Kosovo, and I got to be Andrew, not PCV Andrew, for 10 days. On top of this I was reunited with my significant other whom I hadn’t seen in a little over 10 months. My vacation was a blast, and I enjoyed being able to take a break from my life here in Kosovo. Leaving was difficult, but I also knew that Kosovo is where I needed to be and came back. It has been hard since because leaving again was a reminder of what I am leaving behind, but my experience has also different. I have felt a weird sense of energy and rejuvenation that what I am doing is the right thing. I am still tired ALL THE TIME, but I know that I can do it. If you had asked me in mid January if I would make it through Peace Corps I would have been a little hesitant to say yes.

My Beautiful girlfriend and I at the Tate Modern in London

All of this just communicated to me one thing, that rest is important. I think that because I am American, I feel that resting is unhealthy because I am not being productive. However, if I am too burnt out to work, then I am not being productive either. Going to a different place where no stranger knows my name was refreshing because I got to unleash and be me.

Interestingly, the other day I was listening to a podcast by Tim Keller. In it he talked about the Prophet Elijah in 1 Kings 19. Elijah was one of the only remaining prophets of God in Israel. The Queen had had all the prophets that she could find murdered, and even went so far as saying “May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them.” Elijah, in fear for his life and severely depressed, runs away and makes his way to Mount Horeb. On his way there he took a break in the desert. There an angel tapped him on the shoulder and didn't scold him for running away from God’s plan, the angel didn’t tell him to pray or console him that he would make it through, The angel gave him a meal, and comforted him. When Elijah talked to God, God didn’t come in the earthquake, the fire, or the wind, God came in a small gentle whisper. Elijah was depressed that God’s plan wasn’t working(or so he thought), and God didn’t condemn him, or yell at him. God came to Elijah in a soft whisper. Prayer, and discipline are necessary sometimes. However we are more than just spiritual beings, and sometimes we need to rest a little. So my prescription for myself is to take relaxing mental health days here and there, just to keep my energy and hopes up, and I believe that this will make my service and my life a little more bearable.